perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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