Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
