I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
