i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
