My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
