Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
