There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
