did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
