She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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