my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she peed on how many people?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
