I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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