At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
