I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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