Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
