It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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