I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
