I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
