ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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