dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
