dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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