bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
