"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
