All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The air was thick with penises
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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