What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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