So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
