I cockslap morals
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
