i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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