Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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