i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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