omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
