Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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