dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
