Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
