My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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