Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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