it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
no, he came in my armpit
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
