I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
high people should be assigned attendants
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
