did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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