Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
