Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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