How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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