is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
