Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
