i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
