If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
