Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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