Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
