God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
