How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
