He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
