What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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