i may or may not be watching the land before time
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
