how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
