yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
