literally had 100 drinks last night.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
