You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
